OWN UP

April 29, 2013

You don’t get very far in helping people who have addictions when they are not ready to receive the help. In a recent FIX MY LIFE IYANLA episode which aired on the OWN network, Iyanla was quite determined to produce some kind of breakthrough with DMX. He seemed, for the majority of the time, to be rejecting her help. Even when she agreed to back off, she did not. Even when it was all said and done, she came up with some sort of twitter site to ” SAVE DMX”. I thought this was so patronizing. In fact, I thought the airing of the show was exploitative of him. He is obviously in pain. Offer your support, then back off. When and if he is ready he will get help.

It is understandably hard for the people around a person with addictions to watch them deteriorate. This is painful business. But there is no magic answer. Often the addicted person has to have very unpleasant consequences like severe illness, or incarceration to stop them. Addiction is mind bogglingly powerful and illogical. Sometimes “hitting bottom” doesn’t even work.

So, I say to OWN and Iyanla, you cannot FIX everybody. I actually think you cannot FIX anybody. You can only offer support and guidance when they are ready to help themselves.

For people who are ready there are many ways to get started in recovery. Not everything works for everyone, but motivation to stay clean must be at the bottom of any approach you choose or you will waste time and or money.

There are self-help meetings like Alcoholics Anonymous, and Narcotics Anonymous. There are detoxes if you have physical addictions and have withdrawal signs like shakes, tremors or flu like symptoms when you stop using.

There are rehabilitations and multitudes of treatment programs. If you are ready it can be done.

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4 Responses to “OWN UP”

  1. I myself am a recovering addict and I put my family through hell. They tried everything and could not help me, the best thing they did, was turn their backs on me.

    • Hey Amy: Thank you so much for your feedback, and I am happy that you like the blog. For some of my readers that arent;t familiar with the recovery process would you mind explaining why when your family turned their backs on you that was a good thing? I would appreciate it. Thanks. MIP

      • My family turned their backs on me because they just couldn’t afford to get hurt anymore. It was a good thing and still is to this day because I had to stand on my own two feet by myself, without any help. My sister turned me down when I was being evicted and asked to live with her temporarily. I had already had that chance before. She allowed me to live with her and I stole her medication she could not allow that to happen again. Today I have my own home and my own things, I appreciate it so much more because I worked hard to get it by myself. I also had to rebuild my support network which allowed me to build it with other recovering addicts whom I could identify with. My family didn’t understand, my mother had already mourned my death, she couldn’t handle my relapse, she couldn’t handle another sleepless night or fight between me and my stepfather. I have to prove myself now. 1 year is not enough time for them to have faith in me. I relapsed after two years and created a wake of destruction in my path over the course of three months. The pain is awful when most of my family turned their backs on me but today I understand, today it helps me to find myself, to be a better stronger person, to be self-reliant and happy on my own. Anyone in my life today is an addition to my life, not a dependent situation or enabling. My family and I had to go our separate ways, I have caused them too much pain but one day we may be able to spend time together but I don’t fret about it now I think it has a lot to do with how I don’t need reassurance from others anymore. By that I mean I don’t care what others think of me, take me or leave me but I love myself today and that attracts the right kind of people that I want in my life. Hope that’s what you were looking for! Blessed Be )0(

  2. I am a child of an addict and it is really hard to watch your loved one continue to live in pain and struggle with addiction even though your heart yearns for a better life for them. I may be the only black chick this side of the Mississippi who can’t stand Iyanla and laughed like a HYENA when DMX went LEFT on her!!! I agree…this chick doesn’t have the power to fix nobidy’s life, let alone an addict like DMX who is clearly not ready for real change.

    My mother lost a baby when I was 7 yrs old to SIDS and she started using really heavy to “cope” with life…I’ll be 40 in a few weeks and even though she’s been clean a few times, in and out of rehab, she keeps going back to what is familiar. She’s been in jail, she’s lost both her parents, and she still hasn’t hit “rock bottom”.

    I fear that she won’t be content until she is dead in those streets but what I feel doesn’t matter. Until she herself is ready to fix her own life, Iyanla, Oprah, or Jesus himself won’t be enough to change her if she doesn’t want to change herself.

    Great blog!! Interesting topic!! 😉

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